Monday, January 12, 2009

He pee'd on my cat!?

The year started off on a great note when I was invited to do a commentary track for the upcoming re-release of FRIDAY THE 13TH PART IV: THE FINAL CHAPTER which I recorded on Friday, January 2nd. This was cool on so many levels, mainly being that FRIDAY IV is my favorite film of the series (along with PART II)... but it was even more special because another genre director whom I greatly admire (and a guy who also happens to be one of my best friends) JOE LYNCH was also invited to participate and the two of us recorded the commentary track together.


If you're like me, you're probably thinking "Um... what exactly did YOU have to do with the making of FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART IV"?" And the answer is... absolutely nothing. As a matter of fact, I was nine when that film came out. But as we've started to see with many classic film re-issues, it's become a fun addition to DVD packages when other filmmakers (who are also fans of the film) are asked to do a commentary discussing the movie from an outside perspective. Both Lynch and I are directors who wear our inspirations and love for the 80's slasher sub-genre on our sleeves- so the producers felt like it would make for a cool addition. Needless to say, the session was a BLAST and it was a tremendous honor to get to be a part of the FRIDAY legacy.


Earlier in 2008 I took part in the ultimate FRIDAY THE 13TH documentary ("HIS NAME WAS JASON") which will be airing on Starz in February followed by the DVD release. While I haven't seen the finished film at the time of this blog, I am told that it turned out great and that fans of the FRIDAY films will have an overload of geek-tastic stuff to feast on when it comes out.


I'm told that I have my very own special feature about the "rat piss" scene from PART II... which is a great segue into the next part of my weekend and my next story.

The very next day I had to take our cats to the vet. Nothing serious, just the annual check-up and vaccine sorta stuff. For the very few on here who knew me back when I was still doing stand-up comedy, I used to do a bit on my vet. He's a 6 foot tall black man with the deepest voice you've ever heard and a lazy eye that is so lazy that you almost have to nudge the person next to you and say out loud "Now that right there is a wicked lazy eye." Some people have lazy eyes where one is looking at you and one is looking at the trash barrels behind the building in the parking lot. But this guy's got one eye focused on you and the other one starring back into his childhood. It's both fascinating and scary when he comes towards the cats with a needle in his hand. At one point he walked in holding some paperwork and he said "I see these cats have come here today to be euthanized." But once the nurse turned the page over he corrected himself... "I mean, neutered." Yes, it's a gamble with my pet's lives whenever they go to see my vet, but he's the same vet who's office they were born in and I'm a guy who doesn't like change.

Anyway, I don't want to bore you with all of the details about our cats- so here's the gist: I adopted Tyler and Perry when they were just 3 weeks old. Here's a picture that was taken on the DAY I first met them...


Now, let me make one thing clear. I am a DOG person. I don't know how I ever got into cats, but it all started back in 1997 when a cat with feline Down's Syndrome named W. Axl Rose came into my life and sort of changed it forever. That's a whole nother story for another day, but before you call me names for having cats- just know that I'd rather have dogs. In fact, once my lifestyle settles down a bit more and I'm at home more often, I plan on drowning my cats in the pool and replacing them with dogs. And yes, I know I look gay as hell in the above picture but come on. I had two little kittens crawling on me. You try and look straight.


And I must point out that the cats are named after Steven Tyler and Joe Perry- not the guy who makes those "Madea" movies. At one point, a good friend of mine (Karen Whitman) met Steven Tyler and Joe Perry and had them autograph a photo of the cats which is hanging in a frame in my office. Pretty f'n cool if I do say so myself.

When Rileah and I moved in together almost 5 years ago, her cat Chewbacca moved in along with her, thus making us a full-on cat household. Thankfully all of the cats get along for the most part. But over the past few months, Chewy has developed a new love for pissing outside of the litterbox, just outside of the guest bathroom, on the carpet. We don't know why he does it and even worse, all of my efforts to stop this disgusting habit have been futile. Chewy and I now have a relationship on par with Mr. Parker and the Bumpus' dogs from A CHRISTMAS STORY. In fact, last week I hired a Vietnam vet to set up punji sticks all FIRST BLOOD style so that I can nail Chewbacca to the fucking wall once and for all and protect my already worthless carpet.

"I'm an asshole. I pee on stuff."

The moral of the story is that Chewbacca is on my shit list and Perry is a SAINT. In fact, I would dare say that Perry is possibly the most perfect cat in the world. Aside from her issues with Paul Stanley (I can't explain it, but she constantly goes after and tears apart my Paul Stanley action figure... and ONLY Paul Stanley, never any of the other KISS members) Perry does nothing wrong. Yet the other two cats beat on her whenever they play and she almost always ends up with the shit end of the stick.

Poor Perry.

So we're at the vet and the waiting room is a bit crowded. It's a Saturday so what can you do, right? We waited for well over an hour before Johnny Eyes was ready for us. And in the waiting room we met a bunch of other animals. The first was a Pitt Bull named Ponchas Pilot or something crazy like that. This dog LOVED the vet. I've never seen an animal so stupid in my life. He literally stood there with his eyes glued to the doorway, and every time Johnny Eyes walked past- the dog would get so excited he would pee. I shit you not. A dog that LOVED going to the vet. Unreal.

But then there was Jack. Jack was a white haired terrier and he was a douchebag of a dog. Not only did he have white hair- but it was the type of hair that was all grungy and dirty on the edges. In fact, parts of it looked PINK! Jack was a barker. Like it wasn't bad enough standing in a cramped waiting room with three stressed out cats and a vet-loving Pitt Bull... now we had to deal with Jack the asshole barker. And what did Jack's Mom do during all of this? Do you think she would have the decency to at least TRY and stop Jack from barking? Maybe even offer a quiet "Shhh"? No. She did nothing. She just sat there with her shit-eating nasty haired terrier barking up a storm.


Thankfully, Jack was next up and we got about 15 minutes of peace and quiet while Ponchas Pilot paced like a 12 year old whore backstage at a Poison concert awaiting his turn with the rock star and my three cats slowly shed every last hair on their bodies and prayed for a quick death.

Jack finished up and his shitty owner walked him over to the front desk to settle her bill. Just like her lack of interest in his annoying barking for an hour straight, she had no interest in watching where he was going or what he was up to while she signed her credit card receipt. And that's when I saw Jack make his way over to my cat carriers.

The motherfucker pissed on Perry.

He just walked right over, lifted his leg, and urinated on my cat. On sweet little Perry! I mean, if it had been Chewy I would have given Jack a treat. If it had been Chewy, it would have been karma at it's finest. But noooooo. Perry, the perfect cat who does nothing wrong to anyone except Paul Stanley... she got pissed on. And what did Jack's owner say as I quickly picked up Perry to pull her away to safety?

"Sorry 'bout that."

Sorry 'bout that? You fucking asshole. Hopefully Jack ate some bad milk bones when he got home, projected liquid shit all over that woman's face and then dropped dead. Pee on Perry? Why I oughta...!

But the story doesn't end there. The cats all went in to see Johnny Eyes, get their shots, have their privates violated, get manhandled, and then be placed back in their respective carriers. But not Perry. No, apparently it was deemed that Perry had plaque and that she needed to spend the night at the hospital in order to have her teeth cleaned properly. So the other two cats got sent home scott free... and poor Perry got pee'd on and then put under sedation to have her teeth cleaned. Again, had it been Chewy- I would have pointed and laughed. But no... Perry got shafted yet again. If any of you reading this have cats and if you've ever had their teeth cleaned, you know it's a horrible process. The anesthesia, the ointment in their eyes, the week of medicine that follows... it is miserable on them.

So Perry came home today. She can't quite open her eyes all the way yet and she looks like she got run over by a truck... but she's home and very happy to be here.


And thus ends my first weekend of the New Year. I'd tell you all about my New Year's Eve exploits, but unfortunately I have to go clean piss off of my carpets. Excuse me.

Happy New Year-

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008 Wrap-Up... And 2009 Preview!

What a year! As promised, here is a look back and full-on wrap up of what was quite possibly the best year of my life so far. Of course, all of the blogs are still listed below this one, so for those of you who may have missed the specifics of such highlights as "AIDS guy", "the dead children in Regina", or "the $20 Comic-Con tip"...feel free to scroll down through the year and find the stories in their entirety. In an effort to keep this as short as possible, I'm gonna try and limit it to just a few of the Greatest Hits.

SPIRAL theatrical poster

2008 started with a huge bang and the theatrical release of SPIRAL. This meant doing loads and loads of press with my buddies Joel David Moore, Zachary Levi, Amber Tamblyn, and Jeremy Boring. As repetitive and tiresome as promoting a film can be (you literally sit in a room and answer the same questions to different people for hours and hours and hours) when you enjoy the company you are with it can be one of the highlights of the movie making process. Below is an appearance that Joel and I did on FOX NEWS just before the film's DVD release...

I think my favorite part of doing that interview was the amount of shit I took from friends and fans for attempting to dress "nicely". My lack of giving a shit when it comes to dressing up for premieres and appearances is more appreciated than I thought, and the sheer fact that (for this FOX interview) I threw on a dress shirt (i.e., a shirt that DIDN'T have a band/movie logo and/or tour dates on the back of it) earned me a ton of letters and phone calls from people making sure I knew how awkward I looked in "my Dad's clothes". FYI, I am not man enough to fit in my Dad's clothes. This was an old shirt with a huge pen stain on the sleeve that an ex-roommate of mine had left behind 8 years ago. So suck it, you dicks!

Anyway, the release of SPIRAL was a huge way to begin 2008. While the film is considered an "arthouse drama" and lots of my fans who were expecting another HATCHET were confused by it's nature- the film succeeded in breaking me out of the 'splatter film' pigeon-hole I was facing with the enormous success of HATCHET in 2007. In fact, most of the new projects that I set up this year were based on the incredible reactions to SPIRAL. So while certain fans were let down to see me do something dramatic and completely different from HATCHET... I'm getting to spread my wings in all of the directions I want to go in now as opposed to some of my peers who are "lifers" in the horror genre against their true wishes. Keep in mind, SPIRAL was pretty much made simultaneously with HATCHET. I sort of ran myself into the ground trying to focus on both at the same time, but it was well worth the pain. For the moment at least, I can continue to do my work in horror, but I have proven that I can also do more outside of the genre. Funny thing is though, all of the stores carrying SPIRAL put it in the "Horror" section- so go figure. If you haven't seen it yet, you are pretty much a rotten person. I suggest going to your local Best Buy or logging on to and picking it up right now. I'm damn proud of that film.

In March I turned 33 years old, saw Ministry for what I hope to be the last time (every time I go, I come home with injuries that take weeks to heal) and then I headed North up to Regina Canada for the production of GRACE. If you have yet to read any of the blogs about my travels up to Regina- please, please do. I think that Regina made for some of my best stories of the year. My part on GRACE was that of Producer. Paul Solet (a name you are all about to become very familiar with) wrote and directed the film which my company (ArieScope Pictures) produced. After doing what it took to get the film financed and moving forward, my job on set was essentially just overseeing the process, problem solving, and being creative support to Paul when he asked for it. Of course my ass was on the line that the movie came in on budget and that it actually turned out good... but we pulled it off. Here's an example of me working hard on set...

Not directing left me with time to think around the hours I spent on set. See, when you are directing- it is all consuming. For months leading up to a project and especially when you are on set, you can barely remember to feed yourself. But as a Producer, I actually found myself able to go home at night and get more work done on my other projects. GRACE took us into May and when I returned I not only had a great film in the can, but a new screenplay called FROZEN. More on that later.

Here's a picture of Zoran Popovic (GRACE's D.P.), Paul Solet, and myself on the last night of GRACE. I'm not sure exactly how cold it was, but I am pretty sure that it was the coldest I had ever been up until that point. Thankfully, wardrobe had these giant moo-moos to throw on us. And even more thankfully, they were stylish. We kind of finished the shoot dressed as transexual homeless elderly women... but the film was in the can and we were on our way home to Hollywood.


I came home right in time for summer movie season to kick off. While those who read my blog know that I do not like to review or critique other people's films, I will say that this was one of the best summers for movies that I can remember since the 80's. Sure, there were a few objectionable and debatable films, but overall- wow. The highlight for me actually wasn't even one of the new releases, but a re-release one-night-only screening of E.T.


Oddly enough, this was actually the SECOND time I saw E.T. in the theater in 2008. I had been invited to a screening at the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences early on in February. The Academy screening was a pristine print from the original release and the summer screening was one of the 20th Anniversary prints. Now I know there are folks out there who are all up in arms about the CG changes that Spielberg made to the 20th anniversary version and they like to be overdramatic and say the changes RUINED the movie. Really? So you're saying that all that was good about the original film was the fact that a few of the police officers held guns in their hands- but now with the officers holding walkie talkies that the film no longer works? Shut up and eat a dick you whiny bitches. E.T. is so flawless that even if Spielberg edited clown porn into the third reel- it would still hold up. If you don't like the additions put in for the 20th anniversary release, then throw in your copy of the original version and shut-up. Don't own a copy of the original version, you say? Hmm. Well then you aren't a fan of the film anyway and should go back to eating that dick I told you about earlier.

Anyway- seeing E.T. in the theater is sort of like my reset button and I never miss a chance to have that experience. It is heads and tails my favorite film of all time and watching that in a theater filled with other E.T. believers and children who are experiencing the magic in reverence for the first time... there's just nothing like it. Rileah laughs at me through the whole thing as I literally cry from frame one until the end of the credits... but I don't care. There's so few things that can bring you back to your childhood innocence and for me, E.T. is that one thing. Anyway, enough about E.T. It was a major highlight of my summer. And yes, I wore my red "Elliot" sweatshirt to the screening. Want to fight about it?


2008 also found me in a meeting with D.C. Films / Warner Brothers where we discussed a slate of animated Justice League style films that they are doing for 2011. I pitched them a take that I had on AQUAMAN and low and behold, they bought it in the room. So throughout the summer I was hard at work writing AQUAMAN: KING OF ATLANTIS. Who even knows what the story will be like by the time the movie is finished (animation takes forever and these types of films are notorious for bringing on writer after writer to do polishes and re-drafts) but my take on AQUAMAN re-introduces him as a bad-ass and my story-line is something along the lines of CLASH OF THE TITANS and CLOVERFIELD. The process has been long and hard and I just turned in a second draft last week. My fingers are crossed and I am hoping for the best with the project as I think AQUAMAN is a very misunderstood and underused character in the D.C. Universe. If I could be the guy that helped bring him back to the forefront- awesome. But only time will tell where this all goes.

In early summer, I also wrote and directed a project that centers around two very beautiful and scantily clothed girls having a lightsaber battle. I've posted pictures and written about this project in various blogs, however the visual effects have taken about half a year longer than we anticipated. The good news is that I am told that the FX are just about ready and it looks good that the project will be ready to show early next year.

For quite some time, you've all been hearing about my romantic comedy GOD ONLY KNOWS. I've had no shame in saying that it is my most favorite of all of my projects and that I truly think it is the best script that I have ever written. GOK has been responsible for getting me a lot of the TV work and comedy projects I have done over the years as it has always been the writing sample that my reps show to studios and networks. The curse of the movie has been that it is literally taking forever to get started. There have been instances where the film was set-up, cast, and in pre-production... only to have some unforeseen crazy thing happen that puts it on hold. But you know how they say "everything happens for a reason"? Well- this year the project was taken under the wing of Chris Columbus' 1492 Films who are now producing it with my company, ArieScope Pictures. While I never publicly announce cast until contracts are signed in blood... the cast we already have attached is absolutely amazing and A-list. However, this year has seen such financial hardships for the industry between the strikes, threats of strikes, and crumbling economy that the movie is once again on pause. But looking at where it has come over the past ten years (yes, you read correctly, it's been TEN YEARS that I have been working on this one) the project is on the cusp of becoming something even more powerful than Darth Vader and the Emperor ever imagined. All signs point to a 2009 production and my contract is said and done... but once I'm on set shooting, I'll believe it. Fingers and toes are crossed to see that script finally come to fruition.

July brought a trip back to Cape Cod to see my family and rejuvenate a bit, a trip to Vegas to be alone with Rileah in style, and then the production of THE ROAD TO FRIGHTFEST...


UK FRIGHT FEST is my favorite of all of the genre film festivals in the world. As someone who has been to all of them, I can say that with conviction. So when Joe Lynch and I were invited back this year (even though we had no films ready to screen there) we decided to return to London baring gifts. Over the summer we shot 5 promos to be played nightly during the run of the festival. You can read the detailed blogs to watch them all and learn all about it, but they were a hit. Below is my favorite of the bunch. It is the one that screened on the final night of the festival. It plays better and makes more sense if you've seen the previous four promos, but I like this one the best because we were able to capture the live sound of the Fright Fest audience watching the promo as it played.

London was a TERRIFIC time as always, and both Joe and I are eagerly awaiting 2009's TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY of Fright Fest. While we hope to once again return with surprises... looking at both of our slates for the upcoming year, it is going to be a challenge finding the time. We'll see. I returned from London just in time to see John Williams conduct at the Hollywood Bowl. The symphony played "Flying" from E.T. I cried.

The summer ended with a huge surprise for me. FOX was preparing the Blu-Ray release of the PLANET OF THE APES films for the 40th anniversary and they needed high resolution images of the original apes for their packaging. My friends at MAKE-UP & MONSTERS STUDIOS were on the job of pulling the original molds and wardrobe out of storage and finding new folks to dress up for the photo shoot. Knowing that I was a fan and roughly the same size as Maurice Evans (Dr. Zaius) I was asked to step into the costume and last month, the box set hit shelves everywhere with ME as Dr. Zaius.


It's tough to contain my geek-excitement over something like this, but to forever be a part of Ape history is really mind blowing. Standing there that day dressed in the same costume that Mr. Evans wore long before I was born... I was floored. I mean, what is cooler than that? It was yet another moment this year when I was fully aware of just how lucky I am to get to do what I do.


Halloween season was kicked off with the release of the HORROR BOOK OF LISTS in which my list of the "The Top 10 Horror Actresses Who Should Have Gotten Naked But Didn't" was published. The signing in Burbank was a huge success and the book has been the source of much laughter for horror fans on their toilets across the world.


That very same weekend, I was driving to a Love/Hate concert and found myself behind a car with a "Humpty Dumpty Was Pushed" bumper sticker. After verbally tearing the driver to shreds in my own car (I mean, who would actually ruin their car with THAT stupid bumper sticker?) I found myself wondering just how one might be able to prove that Humpty Dumpty was indeed pushed. Seriously though, all we know from the story is that all of the kings horses and all of the kings men couldn't put him back together again. While that is unfortunate, there is nothing in there that even alludes to foul play. It was at that point in my internal conversation that I realized that I was a bigger dork than the driver in front of me. And FAIRY TALE POLICE was born...

FTP poster

XBOX LIVE was putting together a project called "Horror Meets Comedy" in which they were reaching out to notable genre directors to come up with original short web-pilots for the XBOX gaming consoles. It was literally the SAME weekend that I came up with this concept, that James Gunn asked me if I'd like to participate. So my usual group of friends and conspirators got together over the Fall and shot the pilot for FAIRY TALE POLICE. Though you need to have an XBOX to watch the actual show, below is the trailer for it.

I am told that in the coming weeks, the pilot will be made available everywhere on-line. There are also rumors of more episodes of FAIRY TALE POLICE being ordered for 2009, but we'll worry about that when it happens. Here's a candid photo of everyone looking at the wrong camera...


Halloween 2008 was one of the best in my 33 years of Halloween. The decorations around the house were exceptionally cool this year and the month of screenings, parties, theme parks, dinners, parades, and events were a whirlwind of 'awesome'.




Of course, no Halloween would be complete without my annual Halloween short film. This year's short (THE TiVO) broke all kinds of records and was downloaded 100,000 times in it's first week of release. It was even honored as the Number 1 video on Youtube at one point during that first week of release. For those that haven't seen it yet...

November brought loads of good news. It started with the announcement of my next film FROZEN (remember that script I wrote during production of GRACE?) which pre-sold like gangbusters at AFM without even having shot a frame yet. I'm making the film with Peter Block's new company "A Bigger Boat" and it starts shooting in just a few weeks up in the snowy mountains of Utah. Most of you probably know that Peter Block is the producer who made Lionsgate what it used to be for the genre. Peter is the guy that brought you movies like SAW and THE DESCENT and he not only has an eye for what the fans want, but he knows how to properly release and distribute the stuff. So for FROZEN to be his flagship production... it's really an amazing opportunity.

November also brought the good news that GRACE had been officially selected to world premiere at Sundance in January. We honestly could not ask for a better or more prestigious launching pad for the birth of GRACE. The Sundance guide describes the film as:

"Eight months pregnant, and preoccupied with both a natural childbirth and a pure-body lifestyle, Madeline Matheson, played with merciless compassion by Jordan Ladd, deflects her demanding mother-in-law's insistent pressure for standard hospital treatment, instead opting for the peaceful companionship of a trusted midwife. Though reluctantly compliant, her husband remains supportive of her choices until a sudden tragic accident leaves her unborn baby lifeless inside of her. Madeline remains determined to carry the stillborn baby to term, where she miraculously wills the delivered corpse into life. But it is not too long before the increasingly isolated mother realizes that something is not right with baby Grace, and she must make horrible sacrifices to keep her living.In his feature debut, writer/director Paul Solet assuredly approaches the medium, displaying a cocksure confidence in his construction of this modern horror fable. He relies upon a precise and slow-building technical elegance, supplemented by fearless performances and the ever-elusive gift of a genuinely frightening story, to violate the sanctity of a mother's love and create true horror. Seething with a kind of sophisticated terror uncommon for its genre, Grace effortlessly uncoils an atmosphere of immense discomfort and subtle intensity, while quietly creeping into the spine and slicing into our most primal fears."

We're all honored and THRILLED to be premiering GRACE at the world's greatest film festival on Friday January 16th. Kind of weird that FROZEN was written during GRACE, and that GRACE is premiering 100 feet away from where FROZEN is I get to actually be at the premiere. I wish I had poster art or a trailer to share with you for GRACE, but that is all still a few weeks away. You may have seen some amateur looking poster art or trailers floating around the internet curtsey of the film's foreign sales company and foreign financiers but none of that stuff is real, official, or endorsed by us so pay it no mind. The real stuff is on it's way.

November finished with a huge bang when Nickelodeon bought a new live action kid's show that I developed with Jack Black's company ("Electric Dynamite") about a boy and his talking alien dog called THE ADVENTURES OF FINN & WOOF. I can't spill any details on that one yet as the contracts were literally just signed hours ago... but I'll be hard at work writing that project as the New Year rings in. To say that I'm excited to be working on a children's show with Jack Black- especially when it is a subject matter that I so deeply believe in and love- would be a massive understatement. TV is a tricky medium because it is very rare that you get to work on projects that you truly, truly love. Many writers wind up working on projects that fit what the network's needs are or staff writing on shows that they would never personally even watch. So FINN & WOOF is a huge opportunity for me. I'm surrounded by awesome people (Jack's producing partner Ben Cooley is as cool as his name sounds) and I'm FIRED UP to give this one my all.

An amazing year, huh? But the best was still yet to come.

December began with a little trip to the East Coast where I brought Rileah to see New York City at Christmas time. (She had never been to the city during the holidays and in fact, had only been there once before for HATCHET's Tribeca premiere back in '06.) While we were there, we planned on seeing both nights of Twisted Sister's Christmas show on Broadway as well as taking in all of the amazingness that NYC has to offer around the holidays.

But the trip started with what can only be described as the most perfect marriage proposal a guy and a girl could ask for. I've been getting TONS of "congratulations" emails and comments from all of you and I can't even tell you how much I appreciate all of it. However, I hope that you can all understand that there are certain aspects to my personal life that are just for me and that I simply don't want to share. So forgive me for not wanting to spill all of the details of the proposal on MySpace, but it happened in Central Park, it was perfect, and she said "yes". Juggling schedules and leaving enough time to make sure we do the wedding right, we are looking ahead to the sumer of 2010. We first met almost 8 years ago when I was working as the DJ and Rileah was the hostess at the heavy metal club "The Rainbow" on the Sunset Strip. Neither of us had a dime to our names, I was struggling to make ends meet to the point that I was stealing leftover food off of plates on the kitchen. In 2004 I made the mock trailer for HATCHET and Rileah stepped in to be in the test make-up subject for Young Victor Crowley. Through that whole process we became good friends- and now, after almost 5 years dating and living together and all of the trails and tribulations that have come with the industry we both work in and the insanity of dealing with a guy like is clear above all that she is my BEST friend and this next step could not feel more right. I thank you all for respecting our privacy in all of this, and don't fret- I will certainly share any details, pictures, and stories from the process that we are comfortable sharing. Aside from our friends and family in our personal lives- the outpouring of well wishes and love my fan base has showered us with is overwhelming. Thank you, thank you, thank you. The whole engagement process was perfect and it was of course very cool to use Twisted Sister shows as the guise to justify the trip. Once again, a life changing event where my friend Dee Snider was around for it. (For those that don't already know the whole "Me and Dee" saga of the past 25 years...check out the special features on your HATCHET dvd.)

Here are just a few pictures from the NYC trip...





From NYC I went straight to the mountains and ski slopes of Utah to start location scouting for FROZEN. In 48 hours we visited at least 9 different mountains, rode various chair lifts, hiked around in the snow, and met with lots of wonderful people. The oddest part of this scout for me was realizing not only how difficult this film is going to be to shoot, but just how fucking SCARY it actually is. Being up there on the chairlift feeling the heights, feeling the chill, living in the elements... the story and the events that happen are realistic and scary as hell. And my crew and I are in for some "March of the Penguins" style shit in dealing with the elements. Note to self: Set next film in Maui.

Here's a picture of Will and I at 11,000 feet...


We may not look as high up as we were, but just to give you an idea... we could see for several STATES from where we were.

My favorite part of the entire scout, however, was when we visited a ranch to view some "trained" wildlife that we may be using in the film. This ranch is owned and operated by the same trainers who handled Bart The Bear who you have seen in countless films such as THE EDGE, THE BEAR, or virtually any other film that a giant Grizzly Bear acted in. (No, there is no bear in FROZEN for those of you trying to figure it out.) Bart is sadly no longer with us, but his next of kin (Bart Junior) is quickly taking Bart's place on the silver screen. At one point, the trainers invited me to meet Bart Junior and I eagerly accepted the chance. I mean, how often do you get to be THAT close to a Grizzly Bear in your life? This photo doesn't do it much justice, but it was the only photo that got snapped during the Green / Bart Junior 'Meet and Greet'.


But 2008 still wasn't entirely over yet! The year was rounded out with not one...but THREE Metallica shows in the week leading up to Christmas. These shows were quite significant for me. The first show was great because it was almost 17 years to the day that I first saw Metallica play live... and I was with two of my childhood friends that were with me at that very first show. Call me a sentimental dork, but I pay close attention to things like that. To be seeing one of my favorite bands- 17 years later and with the same guys I grew up with who were with me the first's pretty cool. These shows put me over the 30 SHOW mark for the amount of times I have seen Metallica in the 20 plus years I have been listening to them. And they sound better than they ever did. I know a lot of people started to doubt them during the "St. Anger" period...but this year they put out what is clearly one of their best albums ever. Of course these shows come with a story...


Night 2: I am standing by the side of the stage with Joe Lynch waiting for the band to come on. We started talking about Christmas plans. Somehow, the fact that Rileah would have me watching LOVE ACTUALLY came up. What followed was two metal head, horror directors professing their undying love for that film. I'm not joking, Joe and I must have gone on for at least 10 minutes talking about why LOVE ACTUALLY is such a great movie and we discussed all of our favorite parts. It was around the point of Joe declaring how he gets choked up when the guy holds up the note cards in the film...when I realized that everyone around us could not only HEAR us, but that they were LISTENING...and that several of them knew who we were.


But he was on a roll. I'm giving him every signal to stop, but he was on to the "boy running to tell the girl he loved her at the airport" and there was no stopping him. Finally, he realized what I realized and the two of us quickly tried to change the subject to sports, fighting dudes, and banging chicks. But it was too late. We had been outted for liking LOVE a Metallica concert. Somewhere there is a message board on-line where a disgruntled metal head/horror fan is re-telling the story of our lameness and how let down he was to overhear what he heard. And somewhere in Los Angeles there is a group of horror fans burning their HATCHET and WRONG TURN 2 dvds. If the story wasn't so funny, I'd feel bad. But I love LOVE ACTUALLY goddamnit. There, I said it. It's a good movie and Bill Nighy owns!

And thus ends 2008. I know I left out a ton, but you have all of the previous blogs to look at if you want to catch up on what I may have missed. 2008 truly was one of the greatest years of my life, and my hopes are already soaring that 2009 will blow it away. I wrote this in a previous blog, but in a year plagued by strikes, lay offs, financial troubles, and struggle for most of the world...I am truly blessed that I not only have mustered through it all, but that I've been able to entertain and help so many people laugh off and forget about the stress. So my wish for all of you as the New Year quickly approaches in a few hours... is that you all remain healthy and that you all find happiness in the coming year. I've got so much coming your way over the next 12 months, and though I'll be busy as all hell, you will all be in my thoughts and I will do my best to deliver for you all. I may be harder to reach than usual and I may not be checking in here as often as I would like, but I'll be thinking of all of you on my adventures and endeavors.

2009 will kick off with the production of FROZEN and the festival tour for GRACE. In the coming months you'll hear all kinds of news about the other projects (FAIRY TALE POLICE, AQUAMAN, FINN & WOOF, release dates for GRACE, the release of the secret lightsaber project, etc.) so stay tuned and get excited. I leave you now with an image to address what so many of you are asking about...

Yes, it is happening. I just can't say for sure what my involvement will be yet. As you just read, I have way more than I can possibly handle on my plate. So if the powers that be can be patient, I will return at the helm. But if the ship has to set sail sooner rather than later, I may have to pass the torch. Think good thoughts, dream gory dreams, and just maybe I'll be the one behind the camera when Victor Crowley returns to kick your fucking asses.

Happy New Year! I love you all!



Sunday, December 14, 2008



You'll have to forgive the brevity of this post, but I'm working on so many things right now that I haven't even taken a leak since early November. As you can imagine, free time to blog is hard to come by (and my bladder hurts wicked bad)- so I gotta keep this one short.

Normally, I make a Halloween short film every year as a sort of "Halloween present" to my friends and fans. Hopefully most of you got to see THE TIVO this year as it was by far the most downloaded short that my crew and I have done in 10 years of making those shorts. Right around the time we were shooting THE TIVO, I was approached to join in on XBOX's "HORROR MEETS COMEDY" project in which a handful of notable horror directors were each given the task of creating a comedy pilot for XBOX LIVE. I gladly joined in on the fun and now... just in time for Christmas... I present to you all:

FTP poster

My new web pilot FAIRY TALE POLICE launches this week (Wednesday December 17th) on Microsoft's XBOX LIVE. For those of you on XBOX, simply log in to the main interface, click on "Video Marketplace" and you'll find HORROR MEETS COMEDY listed under New Arrivals, Independent, or Most Popular- take your pick. It's easy enough to find. The download is FREE and it gives you the option of full HD or standard def.

For those of you who do not have an XBOX, don't fear. The pilot will be available on a number of other websites and platforms within time. While I won't know any details or facts until later on in January, this episode could very well be the first of many more. But more on that later.

F.T.P. was an absolute joy to work on and I know that I speak for everyone involved when I say that it was nothing short of a blast to make. It's these kinds of projects that remind me why I love to do what I do. Don't get me wrong, the Hollywood stuff, the feature films, the TV development, the writing, the promoting, the touring... it's all awesome and a dream come true. But when you are given the means to gather up a small group of your friends and create something completely pure with no regard for anything other than "what you want to do" - the feeling is magical. Thank you to XBOX, Safran Digital Group, and my friend James Gunn for inviting me to participate. It was an honor and a pleasure.

So check it out anytime after Wednesday night and I hope you laugh your asses off. While I have had what is easily the best year of my life so far, I know that this year has been rough for many others. In the entertainment industry we are still reeling from a strike and a crumbling economy that is destroying our means to get projects made and I know that all across the world everyone is going through their own struggles both personally and financially. Every so often I get a letter from someone that details their recent downward spiral of events- getting laid off, projects falling apart, having to move out because they are poor... and then they'll say how they threw in HATCHET and for an hour and a half- they forgot how much everything sucked and they just laughed. While some may take that kind of compliment lightly, it actually means a whole ton of a lot to me. 'Cause that's kind of what I do. Entertain. So for those of you going into the holidays bummed out about being poor this year, being depressed at the state of the world, or being saddened by any other number of things that are bringing this Christmas down... I hope that you get the chance to watch FAIRY TALE POLICE, feel like a 10 year-old again, and even if it's just for 8 short minutes- I hope that I can help you laugh. While I can't say or do anything to fix anyone's problems, if I can help you forget about them for just a few minutes- I feel pretty blessed.

I know many of you are waiting to hear more about FROZEN, HATCHET 2, and my recent personal events (holy shit, I'm someone's FIANCEE?!). A big end-of-the-year wrap-up blog is coming with all of the highlights from this year and news of what's to come next year. Soon...


Thursday, November 13, 2008

HANDS UP! The Fairy Tale Police are coming!

By now, most of you have heard that XBOX LIVE is about to start bringing it's 10 million or so users new original content to watch on their game consoles. As part of that endeavor, XBOX LIVE has teamed up with Safran Digital and one of my favorite filmmakers and friends James Gunn and together they are launching a series of webisodes called "Horror To Comedy". Essentially, they asked a select group of directors who are known in the horror genre, to write and direct original pilot episodes of their own web comedy series. Some of the guys included are James Wan (SAW), Marcus Nispel (TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE), Lucky McKee (MAY), and of course James Gunn (SLITHER) just to name a few. I was fortunate enough to be asked, and I of course couldn't say "yes" fast enough.


My pilot is called FAIRY TALE POLICE and it will be available to watch for free on XBOX LIVE starting this Christmas Eve. Don't have an XBOX yet, you say? You don't even know the art of teabagging a noob in Halo, you say? Well- don't fear. After awhile these shorts will be available absolutely everywhere.

So what's FAIRY TALE POLICE all about? It's a COPS inspired reality show where two human police officers maintain peace and order in a land full of comical villains and cartoonish monsters. One night I was driving behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "HUMPTY DUMPTY WAS PUSHED." And while on the outside my first reaction was to start talking to myself and saying "What idiot would put THAT on their new car?" on the inside... my mind instantly went to the place where I wondered how exactly anyone thinks they could PROVE that Humpty Dumpty was pushed. I mean, in the rhyme- do you remember any witnesses listed? A police report? It's not all that clear when all of the king's horses and all of the king's men actually GOT there, only that they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

I arrived at my destination (a LOVE/HATE concert- yes!) and told my partners in crime at ArieScope Pictures what my idea was. We all agreed right then and there that we would just shoot it on our own someday. Kind of like the Halloween shorts that we do every year. But (I shit you not), the very next day James Gunn called me to see if I had any ideas for an XBOX series. "Um... as a matter of fact, I do." So I went over to see him, pitched him my idea- and 48 hours later I was green-lit. That's less than a WEEK from coming up with the idea to being green-lit to shoot. If only the major movies and TV shows could move that fast!

My two main police officers are being played by two of my very good friends, Rachael Leigh Cook and Parry Shen. Rachael and I have come dangerously close to working together on a variety of projects over the past 3 years, so it was awesome that schedules worked out and the timing clicked for this one. Forget the fact that we're friends, I've gone on the record in numerous interviews where I've said she is one of my favorite actresses and that her innocence and grace remind me of a new generation's Audrey Hepburn. The sheer fact that she's willing to come and play with us on such a fun little side project and argue with silly puppets on camera is a testament to just how awesome and down to earth she really is. And Parry Shen, as you all know, was not only one of my stars in HATCHET but the star of this year's Halloween short film "THE TiVO". He's another who I've often raved about over the years. After watching him kick his own ass on the floor while fighting that giant foam TiVO last month, I knew I had to work with him again as soon as possible. Both Parry and Rachael have big hearts and very good senses of humor- so they were the perfect actors for this project.

Rachael Leigh Cook

Parry Shen

And I don't want to ruin any surprises, but yes, both of my better halves (my plutonic life partner in film Joel David Moore and my beautiful girlfriend Rileah Vanderbilt) have roles, too.

Joel David Moore

Rileah Vanderbilt

But with only a month to wait and see it... you can wait for the details!

Tomorrow night we begin our actual shoot for FAIRY TALE POLICE. Stay tuned for more info about it over the next month. This is gonna be a HELL of a lot of fun!


I'm about to be FROZEN!

It's official, word is on the street, and I can finally talk about it! For now, here's the press release...

Much more info to come...


SANTA MONICA, CA (November 11, 2008) Peter Block's A Bigger Boat announced today that it has greenlit the chilling thriller FROZEN, written and to be directed by Adam Green (HATCHET, SPIRAL). The company will produce the picture with Green's ArieScope Pictures.

GreeneStreet Films International (GSFI) is selling the film worldwide and has already closed deals at the American Film Market with the United Kingdom's Momentum, Spain's Aurum, France's Metropolitan, the Middle East's ECS, Brazil's Playarte, Israel's United King, Scandinavia's Svensk, and Turkey's Medyavizyon.

The story revolves around three skiers who are stranded on a chairlift and forced to make life or death choices that prove more dangerous than even freezing to death.

"FROZEN is the perfect first project for A Bigger Boat," said Peter Block. "A high concept thriller with a talented young filmmaker on board. HATCHET proved that Adam can direct fun horror comedy and attract an audience but this project will show his ability to create a realistic, tension filled thriller. I couldn't be more excited to work with him and his team at ArieScope."

"Anyone who has skied before knows the fear that rushes through their heart when the chairlift momentarily stops," said Adam Green. "FROZEN will build on such primal fears as 'heights' and 'freezing to death' and take them to terrifying new levels. It's an honor to be working with GSFI and Peter Block, a producer who truly gets the horror genre and who knows how to do it right."

ArieScope's Cory Neal added "To have FROZEN be the flagship production for A Bigger Boat has us excited beyond words."

"The response to Adam and FROZEN has been overwhelming," said GSFI president, Amy Beecroft. "It shows that when you have a strong concept and people who know how to deliver this particular genre, there's a marketplace. This has been a great way to launch A Bigger Boat's partnership with GreeneStreet Films International."

Principal photography is scheduled to commence early next year and casting is already underway. Green is represented by Endeavor Talent Agency and Industry Entertainment.


A Bigger Boat runs in partnership with GreeneStreet Films and has a domestic distribution deal with Overture Films and Alliance Films. Most recently, Block completed production on the box office smash SAW V. This year he is also overseeing production on RAMBO, THE EYE, THE BANK JOB, MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN, the upcoming DAYBREAKERS, and the Gold Circle true-life horror film THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT, while also serving as Co-Executive Producer of the NBC series "Fear Itself". Under Block's leadership, Lionsgate acquired or produced over 1,000 films including the box office sensations CRASH, SAW, OPEN WATER, FAHRENHEIT 9/11, as well as such art-house hits as THE COOLER, LANTANA and SECRETARY. Block spearheaded the company's foray into theatrical genre pictures with the acquisition of CABIN FEVER, HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES, HARD CANDY, and HOSTEL, as well as expanding the genre's international focus with Neil Marshall's DESCENT, Peter Jackson's DEAD ALIVE, Guillermo del Toro's CRONOS, Takashi Shimizu's JU-ON: THE GRUDGE, Alex Aja's HIGH TENSION, and UNDEAD from Australia's Spierig brothers. In addition, Block was the primary production executive on the Academy nominated GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING, the Bobby Darin bio-pic BEYOND THE SEA directed and starring Kevin Spacey, NARC, Rob Zombie's DEVIL'S REJECTS, and the surprise hit CRANK.

ArieScope Pictures is a production company formed by writer/director Adam Green, producer Cory Neal, and director of photography Will Barratt. The company has produced the horror/comedy HATCHET, the Hitchcockian psychodrama SPIRAL, and recently wrapped production on the chilling thriller GRACE. Currently ArieScope is producing the comedy web series FAIRY TALE POLICE for Xbox Live. For more information contact

GreeneStreet Films International (GSFI) is the international sales company under the GreeneStreet Films banner. GSFI launched six years ago to expand GreeneStreet's domestic presence overseas through its foreign sales of GreeneStreet's titles, as well as third party acquisitions. In addition, GSFI will sell worldwide rights to films produced by Peter Block's newly launched company, A Bigger Boat. GSFI introduced A Bigger Boat's first picture, FROZEN, a suspenseful thriller written and to be directed by Adam Green (HATCHET, SPIRAL)at this year's American Film Market. Other GSFI titles include Matthew Reeves' (CLOVERFIELD) upcoming picture INVISIBLE WOMAN; and TENDERNESS (Lionsgate) directed by John Polson (SWIMFAN) with Russell Crowe, Jon Foster, Sophie Traub and Laura Dern.

Monday, October 20, 2008

"THE TiVO" - 10 years of Halloween short films!

Ten years ago this month, ArieScope Pictures was born.

I had just gotten out of college and I had taken a job working on local cable commercials in the Boston area. On my first day of work, I was paired up with Will Barratt and we were sent off to Nashua, New Hampshire to shoot a commercial for a car dealership. By the time we were driving home we had hatched plans to get us out of cable advertising, break us in to Hollywood, and have us making "real movies".

And I had only known him for a few hours at that point.

That weekend we "borrowed" the cable company's equipment to shoot a short film that we could entertain friends with at an upcoming Halloween party. With a Super8 film camera and Time Warner Cable's three lights, we rounded up some friends and set out to make COLUMBUS DAY WEEKEND. The premise of the short was that Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers had stalked the same group of teenagers by mistake and the whole point of it all was really just to make our friends laugh. Little did we know how many people would actually wind up seeing that short film and what it would ultimately lead to for us.

But before I go any further, here are some funny stories from the making of COLUMBUS DAY WEEKEND while I am getting all nostalgic and thinking back to the beginning here…

We needed a location with lots and lots of woods, so I contacted a childhood friend's parents who lived on the edge of a forest back in my hometown of Holliston. For those of you who are HATCHET fans- it was Scott Barnes' parents. You know the line in the movie where Misty randomly checks her cell phone and says "Ew, Scott Barnes called me?" That was a shout out to this guy. Anyway, Scott's parents were kind enough to give us full reign over their property. Their one and only request before they went out for the night?

"Whatever you do… don't let Dusty the cat out of the house."

"No problem, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes!"

I swear, you could still see Mr. Barnes' break lights driving away down the street… and Dusty had already gotten out of the house. For the next 3 HOURS we tried everything possible to capture this filthy creature and get it back in the house, but we had no luck. Finally, in an act of desperation, I grabbed Dusty by the tail and pulled him out of the bush he was trying to hide in.

"Got him!" I yelled.

That's when Dusty proceeded to try and scratch my eyes out. Literally. The first claw hooked the inside of my right eye socket and sliced my skin wide open. My eye was bleeding everywhere.

But hey… at least I got Dusty back in the house and we could start shooting.

"Dude… you need to disinfect your eye." Will said. Not able to find ANY rubbing alcohol or hydrogen peroxide in the Barnes household, Will pointed out that we had a bottle of cheap Tequila on set that was being used as a prop in the film. Before I could think it through, Will was pouring TEQUILLA straight into my bleeding eye.

It hurt. It hurt BAD. But finally, we were ready to begin shooting our short film. All I needed to do was find a towel to wipe the liquor out of my eyes with. So I went back into the house and when I opened the door… I let Dusty out again.

Needless to say, we didn't get much actual shooting done that night. Other problems we had were the fact that we forgot to bring enough extension cords to get the lights in to the actual woods… so instead we had to shoot the whole movie in Mr. and Mrs. Barnes' backyard… where we proceeded to build a campfire and burn an enormous hole in the center of their lawn.

I should also point out that for some reason we loaded our camera with the wrong kind of film and the footage was completely unusable when we got it back from the lab. Luckily, we had also been rolling with Time Warner's Betacam next to our film camera as it was recording the audio for each scene. So we were able to salvage the short by using the Betacam tapes. Sure, every shot was off kilter and framed wrong as the Betacam was never meant to be shooting the actual scenes- but at least we still had a little movie we could show our friends.

In editing we realized that we needed a production company name. With my birthday being March 31st and Will's being April 2nd, we somehow came up with the name "ArieScope" as it combined "something film sounding" and "something we had in common". Yes, that's literally how we came up with the name.


10 years later, ArieScope Pictures is a real Hollywood production company producing theatrically released feature films and our own original content. And though we've grown substantially and gone on to great success… two things have remained the same after all of that time. First of all, we are still laughing even though (with us) whatever can possibly go wrong WILL always go wrong. And second of all, no matter what big projects we are working on, at this time every year we still drop everything and make a new "Halloween short film".

In honor of how we got our start, every single Halloween since 1998 we have gotten our "family" of creative artists together and made a short film in one night (OK, so we've started cheating and spreading them out over two nights because we're getting old, wanna fight about it?), with absolutely no budget, and all in the name of FUN. So last week a group of us got together and we made "The TiVO" which I'm proud to unveil for you all today.

This year's short is by far the most "out-there" one that we've done yet. With inspirations coming from The Thing, The Shining, Single White Female, and a few other classics… this entry into the "ArieScope Hallowen Short Film Catalogue" is as weird as they come. I don't know how many of you have TiVO at home or how many just rough it out with DVR, but hopefully you know enough about TiVO to understand how absolutely amazing it is for your quality of life… but how entirely creepy it can be at the same time. Regardless, I can say that I've never laughed so hard on a set as I did when we were shooting this film's climax. 10 years later… I still love what I do and I can still appreciate how lucky I am to be doing it.

If you are new to all of this, be sure and click over to the official ArieScope Pictures website ( and click the link that says "View The Short Films" to see what you've missed over the past decade. Which reminds me, some of you may have noticed that the same two people who started our website for us 10 years ago are still the same two designing and running it for us now. John and Nicole Anguish are "lifers". I guess that most everybody who gets involved with ArieScope winds up in it for life. And that must be why 10 years later, ArieScope Pictures is still alive and growing beyond anything we ever hoped for.

To EVERYONE who is a part of ArieScope, from the other folks who work here alongside me, to the extremely talented pool of cast and crew that work with us regularly, to the friends and fans all over the world that have supported our work over the years… happy birthday, happy anniversary, and most of all… HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

If someone could have told us then- while we were sanding off a girl's face with a power sander and throwing spoiled meat all over another- that we'd eventually make a living… sanding off a girl's face with a power sander and throwing spoiled meat all over another…I never would have believed them.


So without any further adieu, here's the 2008 Halloween short film..."The TiVO".


Sunday, October 5, 2008

Wanna see something REALLY scary?

I can't believe it's been this long since I've posted a full-on blog, but being this busy is a good thing, right? Where to begin? Where to begin?...

This is gonna be jam packed- so don't make any plans for the next hour, folks.

In a year that almost "never was" for much of Hollywood (the strikes, the economy crashing, studios and distributors drying up) I've thankfully been able to keep busier than ever, so for that I am extremely lucky and grateful. The year started with a huge bang with the ArieScope Pictures production of Paul Solet's GRACE (see previous blogs for all of those stories) which will be out later next year. During that time I wrote a brand spanking new horror script (which you'll hear more about later on in 2009) and as most of you know by now, I wrote an animated AQUAMAN movie for D.C. Comics/Warner Brothers (which you'll hear more about in a few months). As if that wasn't enough, throw in the hours and hours of development on the new films, a series of 5 shorts made exclusively for UK Fright Fest, and a full-on light saber fight with gorgeous half naked chicks...


But the year is hardly over and in many ways I'm just getting started, so I'll save the complete wrap up for a later date. As far as this mysterious "light saber fight" you've heard rumblings about... it's still in post-production as there are a lot of FX that need to be done when you are using light sabers. But the gist of it is that I like to shoot my own short films and projects for fun, even around the bigger more mainstream stuff that pays the bills. Call it a hobby, but I just love working so much that when I'm not working I find more work to do while I wait to work again. Rileah came to me one day and said she and our friend Clare Grant wanted to shoot some sort of light saber battle "just for fun". JUST FOR FUN? Because you know...there's um, ANYTHING more complex than that?! So I did what any loving boyfriend would do and I told her that if she could arrange a threesome between me, her, and Clare that I would consider writing and directing it.

Actually, that's just what I THOUGHT. Instead, I told her that if she and Clare could produce the whole thing, I would be in to do it. To be totally honest, I thought that would be the end of it- but low and behold these two took the bull by the horns and put the whole project together on their own. And as much as a threesome would have been awesome and I'm still holding out hope, there is no greater turn-on than watching the girl you love get ambitious, kick ass, and take names. But more on all of that when I can actually show everyone the project in a few weeks. Point is, I'm damn proud of these girls and I love my girlfriend to death.

But enough of that. Let's get to the funny.

In an effort not to make this the "eternal blog" I'm gonna limit my stories severely and just focus on the "greatest hits" of summer. Let's start with Comic Con.


This was my fourth year in a row at San Diego Comic Con. In previous years I was always there on some sort of panel, signing, promoting something- you name it. But this was my year off. In fact, I've taken great joy in NOT being at the conventions and festivals this year because I literally spent 2 straight years at ALL of them around the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a geek at heart and I truly love getting out there to meet the fans and promote whatever project it is I'm working on... but it's also nice to take a break from public appearances and come back swinging harder the next year. So about 6 months in advance the email went out through my group of friends saying "Who's going to Comic Con?" EVERYONE said they were skipping it this year. The traffic, the lines, the same old crap- who needs it. Cut to July 24th- and everyone I knew was down there. Including me.

And you know? I was right. It was the same old bullshit. Hours in line to sit in the back of a room and watch actors talk about the next season of their TV show, a dealer floor that resembled the worst flea market crap and prices I've ever seen, over priced food, the worst B.O. you can smell on human beings, and lots and lots of dorks like me. But you know what? Despite all all of that- after awhile I found myself able to shed the "work glasses" that I have become accustomed to seeing these conventions through and I was able to blend in and be a fan again. But no sooner had I been able to forget that I am any sort of "celebrity" in that world- that it came to bite me in the ass. Cut to the WRATH OF CON party at the Hard Rock...


This was a party hosted by the various horror websites such as Bloody-Disgusting and Anchor Bay which has become like a home away from home for me in the fact that I have about 400 different projects going with them at any given time. So to say I could let my guard down here and just have fun is an understatement. I knew everyone at this party and all of my friends were there. It was an exclusive list so there were no fans, no journalists scooping for info- just good, clean, social fun. Oh, and did I mention an open bar? Cool, cause this is where it gets interesting.

I approach the open bar and order a drink. A Bud Light, to be precise. As the bartender is cracking open the delicious ice cold watery goodness, I reached into my wallet and found that I did not have any one dollar bills. Now, to any normal human being, they probably would have just said "oh well" or (sad to say it, but) not even thought to tip in the first place since it was "free". All I had were 20's. I looked at the tip jar and it was EMPTY. (Welcome to the cheap asses that are the horror crowd, folks. I love them all- but they are cheap as fuck.) So I couldn't even ask the guy for change- which already would have been weird. "Here's a $20... can I um...have $19 back?" Ugh. So I did the typical generous Adam Green thing to do, and I just tipped the guy $20. Screw it, I can afford it, right? Besides, had I actually had to pay for the drinks- it would have been far more costly, so I felt completely justified. The guy looked at me and with great appreciation gave me a "thanks man, thank you so much". I was feeling good about myself and bad for him as this was clearly his first party serving drinks for horror 'celebrities' who are usually one step away from stealing the salt off the tables and using coupons for a buffet.

So I go and mingle with some friends and before I know it, it's time for another drink. I go up to the same bartender and ask for a Bud-Light. He gives me the nod (knowing I had already tipped him $20) and quickly hands me the beer. I nod back and walk away... only to hear the woman behind me declare: "THE ASSHOLE WHO DIRECTED HATCHET DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING TIP FOR HIS BEER!" I shit you not, WHISPERS went through the line! "You'd think he could afford to tip the bartender." "What a douchebag." "He must have spent all his money on drugs and contracted HIV." OK, maybe not the last accusation- but the point is, you'd think I just spit on the cross at the Christmas Day parade this line of people was so offended. So what did I do? In typical Adam Green/Larry David fashion I turned around and actually began to try and explain myself to these assholes.

"No, you don't understand. I'm actually a very good tipper. In fact, I'm an OVER TIPPER and my friends give me shit about it all the time. I didn't have any singles so I-"

She interrupted. "-So you should ask for change."

"No, no- there was no change in the little jar the last time I came through the line, so I gave him a 20."

She didn't believe me. "Sure you did."

"No, really! I gave him a 20. That's why he gave me the nod. Didn't you see him give me the nod? He gave me the nod."

I looked back to see that the bartender was now gone and had been replaced by someone new for the remainder of the night. There was no winning this. I briefly struggled with the thought of rummaging through the tip jar and finding my 20 at the bottom... but I knew that if 'Bartender 1' had any brains he would have pocketed that shit as soon as I walked away the first time in an effort to not have to share it with his co-workers at the end of the night. Plus, the last thing I needed was photographs of me dipping my hand into the tip jar and the way this night was going- it would have happened.

I was defeated and could do nothing but sulk away from the line of people talking smack about me while I enjoyed my 2nd of two $20 Bud Lights. Seriously, it ain't easy being Green. The lesson learned here? Next time you only have a $20 at the open bar? KEEP IT. And take as much free table salt as you can fit in your pockets before you leave. The horror crowd is on to something...

Before I get too far off subject, I do want to add that I am actually not exaggerating one bit about the cheapness of the horror community. It's a proven fact. We have a whole crew of us who go out together from time to time, and I've actually chosen to stop going all together if it involves eating. Now I just show up for drinks wherever they are going AFTER dinner. Why? Because I'm sick of ordering a cheeseburger and a beer and then having to throw in $100 because a few assholes skipped out on their bill. (Some of which have MILLIONS of dollars to their name and some of which have no business eating anything besides Top Ramen and shouldn't have come out to dinner in the first place.) Case and point, there was a lovely woman in our circle celebrating her birthday at a fairly nice restaurant at the end of August. I said "See ya at the after party around midnight, suckers." Sure enough, the first few people to walk in to the after party were LIVID that the bill had come up almost $1,000.00 SHORT. So let that be a lesson to you. If you ever find yourself dining with people who make a living working in the horror business... ask for a separate check. Call me an asshole, but I tell it like it is.

And that brings us to UK Fright Fest and the A-story of this blog. Fright Fest was a good time...


But the real story starts a year earlier. After 2 years in a row appearing there (HATCHET and SPIRAL both had their UK premieres at Fright Fest) I knew that it would be a bit before I had another horror film ready to contribute to the line-up. So in a selfless act of good will, last year (on stage) I declared that not only would I come back in 2008, but that I would return with a short film made exclusively for the Fright Fest audience. And in the cheers and clapping I also enlisted Joe Lynch and Neil Marshall who had no choice at that point but to say "Alright, woo-hoo!" Cut to Neil 9 months later "Dude, I live in the UK. How the fuck am I supposed to help out on this?" Buuut... we found a way to keep Neil involved as you will soon see.

Well, Lynch and I went to work brainstorming ideas and ultimately we came up with the concept of making Fright Fest promos to randomly play throughout the 5 days of the festival. We thought that would be more special for the festival than just making a short film that could be played and appreciated anywhere. To say making these shorts together was fun would do it no justice. It was literally one of the best times I've had all year and watching them surprise the UK horror fans in the theater each night was more gratifying than watching an actual movie I had made play before them. Though they were literally just meant as a "fun little gift" to Fright Fest- the promos wound up becoming one of the hits of this year's festival. Each time our "Douche Brothers" logo would randomly appear on screen, the audience would roar and Lynch and I would just say "holy shit". No joke, we came to the festival prepared to hear that Episode 1 got a weak reaction and we were going to PULL the remaining 4 Episodes from being shown. So it was with great relief that we got to the Odeon and heard that Episode 1 had brought the house down.

(Me, Joe, and Axelle Carolyn Marshall at Fright Fest)

Just a little more info before I post these here. The way these worked is that they played once a night before what was considered that day's "main event" film. (At Fright Fest EVERY film is a main event, but some sell more tickets than others.) These were never intended to be watched one after the other like you are about to do, so try to imagine a 24 hour break between episodes. Also, I realize I have a lot of readers on here who are NOT actually horror fans and for whom many of these jokes will fly completely over their heads. Again, understand that these were made with ONLY the Fright Fest crowd in mind. We initially weren't even planning on ever putting them on-line, but popular demand made it so. In fact, when we first put Episode 1 up on the ArieScope site, it was watched close to 14,000 times in the first 48 hours.

For those of you who are not horror geeks... I HIGHLY suggest you take the time to watch this classic film clip before you go any further. Any horror fan worth their machete knows this famous movie intro well... but if you have never seen it or don't remember it, re-watching this first will help you appreciate what Joe and I did:

Now sit back, clear the next 30 minutes of your schedule, and enjoy THE ROAD TO FRIGHT FEST by Adam Green and Joe Lynch...

EPISODE 1 "Horror Themes"

EPISODE 2 " Favorite Fright Fest Moments"

EPISODE 3 "Favorite Deaths"

EPISODE 4 "Favorite Directors"

EPISODE 5 "Adam & Joe Are Dead"

If you REALLY want to see what it was like to be at Fright Fest with the greatest audience in the world, you can click over to my website ( and watch EPISODE 5 with the LIVE AUDIENCE TRACK behind it. Quite the experience, and thanks Miss Sian for bootlegging it from the back of the theater, you sneaky girl.

Alright. What else do you want to know? Isn't that enough for one blog? Alright- how about some hints of what's to come over the next few weeks?

1. People keep writing to me asking if there is going to be a Halloween short film this year. Well, after 10 years of doing them- I decided that with the year I've already had and having already made the 5 Fright Fest shorts... OF COURSE I'm gonna make you all a Halloween short film this year! In fact... we start shooting in just 24 hours. It'll be done and available in time for Halloween, as always.

2. Have you guys heard about that XBOX project going on where some masters of horror were hired to create short comedy web series' for XBOX LIVE and MSN? James Gunn, James Wan, Marcus Nispel, David Slade, Lucky McKee, Andrew Douglas, John Clisham? Well I was recently invited to play and I can't fucking WAIT for you to see what I have in store for you all. More details very, very, very soon and THANK YOU to my friend James Gunn for extending the warm invitation. It's nothing less than an honor.

3. For those asking about the status of the other projects (God Only Knows and the sequel to that slasher movie I made) everything is GREAT. This year has been a bitch between my schedule and the fact that the industry was in the shitter with strikes for most of it- but I am happy to say that both projects are on track for next year. Sadly, until I know actual schedules and production details I still cannot say if I will be returning to the swamp with Victor Crowley... but I'm doing everything I can to make it possible. Regardless, in 2009 he's going to kick your asses again- and you can count on it.

Halloween is in the air! Can you feel it? More blogs and way more news to come. I promise I won't be a stranger for more than a few days before I'm back with more news.

Peace, love, and gore.